He said if I followed him anywhere, he would go wherever I wanted…
But he probably never thought I’d go this hard.
To tell our story, I have to start with the very beginning.
I moved to Hawaii when I was 19. I had no place to live, no job, no car. I had traveled to Hawaii with my high school choir during my senior year, and I was hooked. I loved Polynesia. I loved the culture, the landscape, the sense of interconnectedness among all things. I loved the emphasis on family and how little kids call their elders, whether they’re related or not, “Auntie” or “Uncle.” The lifestyle was laid back and it felt so much like home. I moved to Hawaii with an emptied baseball equipment bag jam packed with my only worldly possessions, with no intention of ever leaving.
And then I met Bert and it all changed. Actually, I had met Bert when I was 18, but that’s a story for a different time. He was a Marine stationed in Kaneohe Bay, Hawaii. He really was probably the only reason I could have been convinced to leave my beautiful island home to move to California. Only 18 months after establishing a life in Hawaii, I uprooted to follow him to our new home in Southern California. I was so sad to leave Hawaii. I made wonderful friends and was feeling more myself than I had ever felt before. Bert knew how big of a deal it was for me to leave, so he promised me,
“If you follow me wherever the Marine Corps sends us until I retire, I will move wherever you want.”
In our 17 years of marriage, we’ve lived all over the United States, occupying 9-ish homes together. We’ve endured deployments and distance, raising our two children together from opposite ends of the world. Not all of his deployments were dangerous, and I was in a difficult position to be inquisitive as he explored temples in Japan or ate guinea pig in Peru. There were certainly times when I was anything BUT inquisitive about his whereabouts. Being a military spouse is not easy, and raising kids while navigating college around a military lifestyle was challenging at times.
(Side note: I guess it wasn’t all fun and games in Peru. He got eaten alive by mosquitoes, and was also subject to a violent episode of food poisoning with only cold water to shower in.)
Similarly, being on deployment wasn’t easy. For every time I wanted a break, I’m sure he was missing home. It was a difficult balance for us both. Trading places would have been a wonderful option at certain times in our marriage. Like that one time while he was deployed to Japan, our home sustained a slab leak, resulting in a 7-week massive home renovation project. We had three Great Danes, two cats, two kids under five years old, and I had just started a brand new job at the time. It was all cleaned up and spotless just days before he returned home.
Above are the pictures I took on February 12, 2018. Dealing with mold remediation for the slab leak.
And to the left is the picture Bert took in Japan on the same day. I would have loved to trade places that day.
Getting back to the reason we decided to sell it all and travel the world…
The last three years of our time in the Marine Corps prompted a self discovery journey in me.
Or a mental breakdown. Call it what you wish.
I returned to school to receive my Doctorate of Psychology in Clinical Psychology. I graduated in 2022, and was desperate to stay home. I had just spent the past four years in graduate school and was painfully missing my children. School had taken so much of my energy, and I was eager to be close to them. I decided, somewhat impulsively, to open a private practice. My office was walking distance from their school, and I could create my own schedule. This sounded idyllic. However, as someone who is a massive over-achiever, I didn’t stop there. I created a nonprofit organization only months after establishing my private practice. Before long, I was balancing a staff of clinicians, clients, billing insurance, planning a conference, teaching college classes at the local university, and raising kids who played soccer five days a week. I was busier than ever. I felt myself burning out, and as Bert’s retirement approached, the idea of selling it all sounded so appealing.
I was tired of mowing my lawn. I didn’t want to clean the house. I didn’t want to be an adult in any responsible way.
I continued adulting, of course, but I needed life to slow down. I needed to slow down. After seven years of achieving, publishing, creating, studying, working, and pursuing, I needed to stop.
In May 2024, I pitched the idea to Bert. “What if we just sold it all and traveled for a while?”
He paused. Thought about it. And said something like, “Yeah, I guess we could do that.”
So, it was on! I went into planning mode, but I realized….
I had burned myself out. But this time, there was much more to lose.
I’ve felt burnout before, but this felt different. The stakes were much higher this time around. I had my clients, my staff, their clients, the community, and grantors relying on me to keep it all together. But I wasn’t together. Something had to give, and I had to find myself in the letting go process.
Over the course of the following six months, I had to let a lot go. From my belongings, to my business, the idea of a “forever house,” to my inclination to pursue and create things. I have reevaluated a lot, and I suppose that is an entire blog post in and of itself.
In looking back at what prompted this year around the world, or however long it may be, the answer to that is a bit complex. In a simplistic answer, I’d say that the idea came from my innate curiosity to experience the world, combined with severe burn out.
And a husband who is literally willing to do anything for, and with me.
-Ashley